This Town Is Too Good To Be True!18

Posted by Deirdre // 04-01-2013


You guys this is freaky. You know how I always say that if only we could transplant part of Brooklyn to another town? Well, apparently it’s happening. A well-known, left-leaning philanthropist has gotten together with an urban planner and a green developer and basically they’re going to replicate part of Cobble Hill in an all but abandoned town just north of Westchester. And while the brownstones and townhouses will be built from the ground up, it’s all using locally sourced pre-used materials, and the lots will be twice the size to allow for garages and full half-acre yards. There’s also an old factory which will be converted into lofts. And because of the deal reached with the county and a special Federal grant, prices for an 1,800 square foot home will likely be around $450,000, with taxes that won’t top $1k per year for 40 years because of a tax abatement.

Downtown will use Burlington, Vermont’s Church Street as inspiration.

As far as the commercial downtown, the early 20th century buildings will be restored to their former glory, with more modern touches of course, and many of our favorite Brooklyn businesses have signed on to open up Northern outposts there that are inspired by but slightly different versions of their Brooklyn establishments – Seersucker, Al di la, Café Pedlar, Mile End and Area to name a few. Zoning rules in the town charter dictate that no big box stores or large chains will open on Main Street.

The schools will also be stellar – rumors are swirling that a favorite Assistant Principal from a beloved Cobble Hill elementary school is making the trek to take over the Pre-K through 8th Grade school, which will recruit all of its teachers from Bank Street and Teacher’s College. The High School will be run by staff from St. Ann’s, Brooklyn Tech and Mark Twain High Schools. Each of the schools will also benefit from the huge rooftop gardens they’ll cultivate through an education partnership with nearby Stone Barns, and the arts programs will be run by Bard professors.

town lake

The lake and part of the town park

The town abuts a huge nature preserve on the North side, full of walkable trails and a beautiful swimmable lake. An old train station will be refurbished and an express to Grand Central will take only 40 minutes, with fees capped at $4 per ride to encourage ridership. They plan to run the trains every 15 minutes.

Where is this and what is this Utopian town called? Just North of reality, it’s called Inurdreams. April Fool’s, people.




11 Responses

  1. Tom says:
    April 2nd, 2013 at 7:09 pm

    Brooklyn hipserts and artists wanting to settle down should look at Yonkers. Lots of potential and a lot closer.

  2. April 1st, 2013 at 10:12 pm

    Very funny!

  3. colleen says:
    April 1st, 2013 at 8:48 pm

    I almost made it through this April Fool’s Day, almost. Good one. Although I was suspicious about an abandoned, forgotten town North of Westchester, I really wanted to believe….

    • Deirdre says:
      April 1st, 2013 at 9:18 pm

      Yeah, they do exist upstate though!

  4. Mark Slade says:
    April 1st, 2013 at 6:30 pm

    You can still live the reality just 20 miles due west in BrooklyWest a.k.a. Maplewood

    • Deirdre says:
      April 1st, 2013 at 9:16 pm

      Well, except for the whole tax thing, though – right?

  5. joyce Szuflita says:
    April 1st, 2013 at 5:08 pm

    I knew it couldn’t be true when you said that the high school would be full of teachers from Saint Ann’s, Tech and Twain; matter and anti matter in the same building – creating a giant black hole that would swallow all the pottery wheels and slide rules along with the future Nobel laureates and HBO wunderkinds. So sad.

    • Deirdre says:
      April 1st, 2013 at 5:55 pm

      I know! Sadly that is not the only thing that is wildly impossible in this post. Sigh. Maybe the Brooklyn hood version of this is closer to reality?

  6. Anu says:
    April 1st, 2013 at 4:19 pm

    Nicely done! You almost had me retract my offer in Larchmont.

  7. Foo says:
    April 1st, 2013 at 4:18 pm

    :p boo Hoo I thought you found my Utopia! Happy April Fool’s Day. More and more
    I feel the fool EVERYday. More subway fare for less service. More $ for each ‘morsel’ of space and less insurance coverage for my shrink (who helps me not go completely insane in this town!)

    • Deirdre says:
      April 1st, 2013 at 4:30 pm

      I’m SO sorry. I’m totally gullible and I felt terrible writing this for those who might fall for it. Oh well, we all can dream.