How and Why4

Posted by Deirdre // 12-16-2012


I’ve been struggling whether to post anything about Newtown. I’ve been mostly avoiding reading, or watching, or listening because I simply cannot take in the information. I burst into tears at the bagel store when Obama was on TV Friday afternoon – I couldn’t avoid it there. They nicely handed me napkins.

I decided to write something because this is a kind of resource for parents, to some extent – most of you are parents anyway – and there is not one parent out there who is not unspeakably devastated. I know we all struggled to hug our children tighter, longer, all weekend.

I read the amazing Alice Bradley‘s real and eloquent post and it helped. And one of the comments brought something I had been feeling to the fore – I have to tell my kids. I imagined my 7 year old hearing it at school and being incredulous and scared and confused. And since then there was an email from our principal urging (not telling) parents of 2nd – 5th graders to discuss it because it’s likely it will come up in school.

My husband and I struggled to figure out what to say and sort of put it off, not being able to stomach imagining how the conversation would play out. He had to leave for a business trip today, so I took it on tonight over dinner. It was hard but I didn’t cry, which was my main goal. That and not freaking them out so much that they’ll never want to go to school. They were ok, but of course asked those questions of how and why. And of course I didn’t – and don’t – have the answers.

The one thing I did feel ok about was stressing hard that the reason I don’t like them to play with guns (fake guns and everything that could possibly resemble a gun that is turned into one) is because guns hurt people in real life, and sometimes kill them. I will continue this stance. I don’t let them say stupid, even in play, so I will hold more firm on the no pointing your ‘gun’ at people rule, too.

But now back to the real guns. This is bullshit. Let’s please ban them from our lives and those of our children.


2 Responses

  1. janny1006 says:
    December 17th, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Haley said, this is a terrible world. And i said, no, it’s a wonderful world with some awful, terrible people in it. what else can you say?

    • Deirdre says:
      December 17th, 2012 at 10:18 am

      I know. Zach said, “Maybe he had rabies.” Funny, yet heartbreaking.